Have you ever set an impulsive or unrealistic consequence?
Do you shake your head in embarrassment knowing you disciplined first without knowing the facts?
Did you feel so fearful of a situation that you responded with undue caution or restriction?
Sigh. Hi, Parents.
I write this as I sit in my first week of a Facebook time out.
Yes. Me. Good girl managed to tick off Facebook within her second week on the site!
I inadvertently triggered a Facebook algorithm that led to suspicion of spamming so they put a block on my account. I can't like or reply to my Facebook posts.
Well intentioned followers are trying to talk to me and I won't be allowed to reply for three more weeks!
What a helpful reminder about the consequences we set for kids.
Facebook did it all wrong.
- They consequenced without asking questions
- They didn't allow me to discuss what had happened or let me explain my side
- Something that I did by accident in 5 seconds led to a punishment lasting 4 weeks
- They didn't explain what I should do instead. I had to ask a friend.
- They taught me nothing.
However, as I sit in my unrealistic consequence, I can tell you how you can do it better for your child.
Here's a consequence guide to help you have a fair response:
- What is the behavior you are trying to address?
- Why is it wrong and what do you want to teach instead?
- Check in with yourself. Are your feeling calm? If not, take space.
- Check in with your child. Is he/she calm? If not, provide some cool down options. There will be time for consequence later.
- Using a calm tone, at your child's eye level, ask your child what their intent was behind the behavior
- Correct the thinking error.
- Explain what you wanted to see instead.
- Name the consequence. Connect it to what you wanted to teach in #2.
- After the consequence, quickly check in with your child, reinforce the lesson and reconnect.
Do you have a question?
Ask me here in the comment session.
I'd be happy to answer.